I feel like a grizz. After the long and dark, I am still dopey. I seek out patches of sun and sit in them like a cat. The sun is finally warm on my skin after months of weak, whimpy cool blue light. It all makes me want to roll in the snow, shake all last years cells from my pelt, and start fresh.
I also feel like an animal because I have two hearts in me right now. I sleep for two, I eat every green I can find in this still frozen place, though I have not yet climbed to the tip-top of a poplar to eat their buds like the true bear do.
Things have gotten kind of primal. My sense of smell is heightened, my hair is thicker, my nails grow faster and stronger than I have ever seen. My body is turning me into some sort of protective beast, giving me the tools to create and guard this tiny strange new piece of me (with the seemingly inefficient side effects of frequent bathroom runs and new nauseating aversions to strange things).
It has been speculated our child, whatever gender they are, will be born with a beard.
(But we will still love them if their wee chin is hairless.)
I know for sure that this critter will change our lives. I hope they will run, roll and laugh with our dogs; that they will befuddle us, bring us laughter, bring us tears, bring us mud and bruises and jokes that make no sense but are still hilarious. I hope that they will breathe deeply of the black spruce, cold creek water, moss and labrador tea; that they will sit with red faces and gorge on the raspberries in our fields.
I have no idea who this person will be and I have never been more excited to meet someone.
This is a brand new adventure.